The Case for a Matriarchal World Order

This one is not even close, really. It doesn’t take any specialized training to see that we live in a volatile, unstable world, a world in which the excesses of the few beget the suffering of the many, and in which hatred and intolerance are the norm in collective human interactions. The history of civilization as reflected in the pathetic state of world affairs in this dreadful year of our Lord, 2008, confirms that much, and unfortunately, much more. The responsible party? Yep, it’s The Guys. The only rational conclusion one can draw is that men are idiots. They have done such a woeful job of creating any form of meaningful civilization that they ought to simply resign in disgrace, which is what they would do if they weren’t, well…Men. As an unsophisticated coterie of self-perceived Alpha Males, it’s not in their nature to admit their gross incompetence. So, not only do we live in the fallout of their idiocy, but we have no hope of their acknowledging that idiocy and handing over the reins to the obviously more qualified sex. When you think about it, haven’t the lads had more than enough time to prove themselves? How many centuries of Patriarchal bungling does it take before a light goes on somewhere? Let's face it, if guys COULD do this, they’d have done it by now. They’d have done it long before now.

But before you start freaking out, relax. I’m not suggesting that Hillary, nor far less, Sarah Palin should be running the show in America. Just because one is a woman, doesn’t mean one is automatically capable of political leadership. And in the case of Palin, it must be added that Republican women would also make terrible leaders, for the simple reason that Republican ideology is staunchly patriarchal to begin with. No, we must have a liberal, matriarchal, fiercely independent, and if possible, sexy Left-Winger to run the show. (Naturally, a Plus-Size beauty would be the ultimate, but so far, I can't find any big girls running for office.) This kind of liberalism would send the right message to the rest of the world. Just imagine, for example, if Californians had done the right thing and elected Mary Carey Governor back in '03.  By now, many of our political crises would have been well on their ways to resolution. A woman like Mary Carey is going to get what she wants, especially from men. Her very presence as a political leader would have brought in untold new revenues for the state, (you know, people pay just for the privilege of looking at her) and as for her overall agenda, just check it out.

Mary Carey's Platform:
1. Legalize same-sex marriage
2. Tax breast implants
3. Make lap-dances tax deductible
4. Wire the California Governor's Mansion with live web-cams
5. Create a "Porn for Pistols" program to reduce the number of handguns
6. Be a goodwill ambassador to attract business to the state
7. Make those drawing unemployment insurance do jury duty for their pay
8. Fight the attacks on the porn industry by John Ashcroft and the U.S. Department of Justice
9. Allow bars to stay open until 4:00 A.M.
10. Address the AIDS epidemic

Not too shabby. Far better priorities than any the boys have come up with so far. And what's with Schwarzenegger, anyway? How was he reckoned to be so far superior to Ms. Carey? Last time I checked, he had the same political credentials she had: None. His vocational experience was identical to hers; a film star who mostly showed off a great body in order to get over. On the up-side, her English was always MUCH better than Arnold's. Well, I don't know. The people have spoken, though why they spoke the way they did is anybody's guess. One thing's for sure. More than 5 years later, nothing's changed in 'Collie-fornia.'




A little further back, the Italians actually got this thing right, sort of. Remember Cicciolina? The Italian porn actress was presented to the parliament as a candidate for the country's first Green Party in 1979, and, after switching to the Radical Party, was elected to Italian Parliament in 1987, receiving the party's second highest number of votes. Not that Cicciolina can take sole credit for it, but it has been noted that during her years in office the Italian economy was sound and the country was free of conflict and of any major political tensions. She continues to be politically active, campaigning for sexual freedoms, a future without nuclear energy, and an end to the death penalty. She is also active in the fight against A.I.D.S.

Cicciolina performing 'Political Woman.' Cool!

Well, admittedly, these two pioneering women represent only the most rudimentary beginnings to the hopes of a future matriarchal world order, but the profound differences in their priorities from the trivial agendas of male politics are in fact radically powerful reflections of a far more sane and do-ably utopian vision of society than any put forth by 'the dudes.' And the ideas briefly outlined above are but a few of the basic, common-sense platforms that would be adopted and implemented by women in positions of political influence. Wouldn't it be too cool if this were only the beginning? If a new wave of porn stars, BBW models, dominatrices, strippers, and others from the sex industry become politically involved, the future could become bright indeed. Hopefully the girls will heed the call of a disintegrating world and become motivated to get down and get their game on. If they don't, I'm afraid to say it's 'Game Over.' You've had a lot more chances than you deserve, boys, and you've still fucked it up. Royally. It's time to get outta town.